light of god is dimming weak. i feel like giving up everything i mean if you think about it we are doomed we are just under the illusion of controling things but deep down there is a void that if u stare enough into it will suck you in,im coming back here after so many months and the last time i felt this way is when i created this page, that's my last resort to understading my sorrow

i've given up all my hobbies except yapping here, life is beautiful isn't it such a shame that i waste most of it fighting myself,im distracting myself with uni getting good grades gossip pretending to like people all this stress is what gets me moving but once it gets too repetetive or i simply have a break i feel like ill loose my mind everything is so plain, i try to be as healthy as possible but that doesn't change who i am , maybe that's who i am , a pessimist, i would trade all these years of education for a quiet mind

im in no way ready to end my life , it's stupid , but i don't wanna live, it's sad because i have everything i want ,many friends parents money brains and im pretty ,i hate people , when i first meet them it's fun and stuff but if i get close enough they start asking if im okay or why are you angry or why do you look pale what is wrong with you why would you feel sad, i simply don't answer also i ran out of tears to cry im tired , really really tired , thus it became hard for me to meet my freinds and hang out, iwanna rip my heart out

maybe tomorrow i'll sleep.